Let’s change the stoma bag

 

I felt the dreaded itchiness

This meant only one thing

It was time to change the pouch

along with the Eakin ring.

I can usually go a few days

And this was now day 2

I thought about leaving it longer

and changed my mind ,as you do.

Out came the adhesive remover

with the black bag ready as well,

A tissue tucked up underneath

He might squirt, it was difficult to tell.

The bag was off and all was good

Tomas was unusually still,

He can be a crafty bugger

And change his mind at will.

I cleaned him until he was poo free

Then used the barrier spray,

How easy was that, I’m almost done,

“Good job”  I hear you say.

The seal goes on, without a fight

The bag is next to me

Oh no I forgot to cut the hole

A wasted minute or three,

I snipped round the hole

as quick as I could

Before he made a mess,

I didn’t make it, he woke up

It was like a volcano I’d guess.

Start again I would have to do

cos poo was on the seal

I made sure I was more prepared

as this shit often gets real.

 

 

 

 

 

A stoma’s life by Tomas the stoma

I woke up on a human

She didn’t seem that pleased

I caused her lots of problems

Especially when she sneezed.

I showed her my annoyance

That I was also taken from

The place that I was happy

Connected to her bum.

 

We decided on a truce from then

We would both do our bit,

She would do the cleaning

And I would do the shit.

 

 

She cleans me very carefully

With different creams and sprays

If she does it properly

My bag will last for days.

I can’t help being naughty though

Especially when she sleeps

I will fill the bag with lots of crap

And that is when it seeps.

 

She jumps up out of bed and shouts

“You’re such a bleep bleep bleep,

You have done this once too often

And disturbed my beauty sleep”

I decided to be nice for once

And stopped my messy play,

I was very tired myself of course

I’d had a busy day.

 

She eats things that turn runny

And things that can be red

She eats things that are smelly

And wonders why I shit the bed.

 

There are times though , that she likes me

When I act all sweet and cute

She will let me in the shower

In nothing but my birthday suit.

I relish in the freedom

I love the clean fresh smell,

The foamy soft light bubbles

Make me poo and fart so well.

 

I know she doesn’t mind this

As long as I keep it zipped

When she steps outside the shower

I am meant to stay tight lipped

No pooping on the towel

No pooping on the floor,

I’m to keep my side of the bargain

And not spray up the door.

 

Then she will keep me in the open

And let me play outside,

While she finishes her ablutions

I stay quiet on her side.

Just when she thinks she’s done it

And got me under some restrain,

I do what I do best of course

And we fall out once again.

 

 

12 days of surgery- a bit of fun

12 DAYS OF SURGERY

 

On the first day of surgery my surgeon gave to me…. a stoma totally new to me.

On the second day of surgery my surgeon gave to me… 2 invasive tubes, and a stoma totally new to me.

On the third day of surgery my surgeon gave to me..3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the fourth day of surgery my surgeon gave to me….4 toilet runs, 3 sick bowls , 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the fifth day of surgery my surgeon gave to me… 5 sore rings…………………4 toilet runs  , 3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes, and a stoma totally new to me.

On the sixth day of surgery my surgeon gave to me…6 needles stabbing , 5 sore rings………………4 toilet runs, 3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the seventh day of surgery my surgeon gave to me…7 night lights glaring, 6 needles stabbing , 5 sore rings……………….4 toilet runs, 3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the eighth day of surgery my surgeon gave to me….8 nurses wilting , 7 night lights glaring, 6 needles stabbing, 5 sore rings………………4 toilet runs , 3 sick bowls  , 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the ninth day of surgery a surgeon gave to me…9 doctors frowning, 8 nurses wilting, 7 night lights glaring, 6 needles stabbing, 5 sore rings……………..4 toilet runs , 3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the tenth day of surgery my surgeon gave to me….10 patients puking, 9 doctors frowning, 8 nurses wilting, 7 night lights glaring, 6 needles stabbing, 5 sore rings………….. 4 toilet runs, 3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the eleventh day of surgery my surgeon gave to me…11 latex probings, 10 patients puking, 9 doctors frowning, 8 nurses wilting, 7 night lights glaring, 6 needles stabbing, 5 sore rings…………..4 toilet runs, 3 sick bowls, 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

On the twelfth day of surgery my surgeon gave to me… 12 drip tubes bleeping, 11 latex probings, 10 patients puking, 9 doctors frowning, 8 nurses wilting, 7 night lights glaring, 6 needles stabbing, 5 sore rings…………….. 4 toilet runs, 3 sick bowls  , 2 invasive tubes and a stoma totally new to me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE