I woke up on a human
She didn’t seem that pleased
I caused her lots of problems
Especially when she sneezed.
I showed her my annoyance
That I was also taken from
The place that I was happy
Connected to her bum.
We decided on a truce from then
We would both do our bit,
She would do the cleaning
And I would do the shit.
She cleans me very carefully
With different creams and sprays
If she does it properly
My bag will last for days.
I can’t help being naughty though
Especially when she sleeps
I will fill the bag with lots of crap
And that is when it seeps.
She jumps up out of bed and shouts
“You’re such a bleep bleep bleep,
You have done this once too often
And disturbed my beauty sleep”
I decided to be nice for once
And stopped my messy play,
I was very tired myself of course
I’d had a busy day.
She eats things that turn runny
And things that can be red
She eats things that are smelly
And wonders why I shit the bed.
There are times though , that she likes me
When I act all sweet and cute
She will let me in the shower
In nothing but my birthday suit.
I relish in the freedom
I love the clean fresh smell,
The foamy soft light bubbles
Make me poo and fart so well.
I know she doesn’t mind this
As long as I keep it zipped
When she steps outside the shower
I am meant to stay tight lipped
No pooping on the towel
No pooping on the floor,
I’m to keep my side of the bargain
And not spray up the door.
Then she will keep me in the open
And let me play outside,
While she finishes her ablutions
I stay quiet on her side.
Just when she thinks she’s done it
And got me under some restrain,
I do what I do best of course
And we fall out once again.